Pissed off

I woke up pissed off this morning and I’m having a hard time shaking it.  I hide it really well at work when I’m upset but I’m truly pissed today.  Last night I came home and The Man was cooking dinner, nice right,  I should be appreciative of that.  This is what pissed me off.  We sit down to eat dinner and he has the damn laptop at the table playing poker.  This is our dinner time, we should be sitting there having dinner as a family not playing poker.  So half way through my meal I got pissed and didn’t finish eating.  He’s been playing it everyday for the past week or so and it’s starting to get on my nerves. 

Ok so I see a pattern here, I’ll explain.  When we met he used to drink alot, chew tobacco and get high and sometimes do other drugs.  Since we’ve been together he has stopped the tobacco and the getting high and other drugs because of my nagging.  He just decided a week ago after many arguments about his drinking that he would stop.  He just reduced it not stopped but now he’s playing poker.  It’s like he picks up another bad habit to replace the last one.  I’m so frustrated and angry about it and am not sure what to do. 

He tells me that I should be happy that he doesn’t go out to bars and stuff like that anymore.  So I’m supposed to be ok with his other bad habits.  He’s having a child soon and honestly I’m getting tired of nagging and being bitchy about this crap.  I am beginning to seriously wonder if this is good for me.  I should be happy all the time right now and it seems at least once a week we argue over his crap.  I’m not saying I’m perfect cause I’m not but these things are really beginning to wear on me. 

Ok now I’ve vented, maybe I’ll feel a little better today. 

Baby Names

I’m having a hard time with the baby naming game.  Probably because this pregnancy has me stumped; I have no idea what I’m having and it’s bugging me.  With Monster I knew right from the beginning I was having a boy, this one not so much.  We’ll find out on January 21^st, but I keep thinking that my maternal instincts are on the fritz cause I’m not sure.  Everyone seems to think it’s a girl and I kind of do but am not sure.  I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

 

I like the name Olivia for a girl and for a boy Isaiah or Gabriel.  The Man agrees on Olivia but likes the name Ricardo for a boy.  I’m not so sure about Ricardo but the Man likes it, I’ll have to start thinking of other choices so he can pick something better.

 

The other hard part about this whole thing is picking the Godparents.  I wish my brother was still a practicing Catholic so that he could baptize the baby.  We will probably end up going with one of The Man’s brothers or sisters.  My friend keeps saying she’d make a great Godmother and I think so too, the thing is Monster’s Godmother was a friend.  Yes I was “was” because she turned out to be someone that is not the kind of influence I’d like my children to have.  There’s nothing I could do now but it’s just weird now and we don’t see her anymore.  I’m not sure people put as much stake in Godparents like they did when we were kids or when our parents were growing up.  I’m not sure that if my Godson’s parents passed or something that I’d really be their first choice to take care of him.  I would cause I love him, but it’d be up to them.  Just something to think about I guess.

Stress

Works been a little weird lately, it’s kind of tense.  I mentioned a few posts earlier that we had been asked to reduce hours, well today we had our first lay off and it looks like we’ll start another string of layoffs next week.  My boss said I wasn’t going to lose my job but it’s awful to think that others will lose their job.  The economy is tough right now and to lose your job is just downright awful.  I wish there was something I could do.  This situation has just reinforced how important it is for me to get rid of any and all debt.  I’ve got alot so it’s not going to be easy.  Student loans, credit cards and car payment.  I’ve just got to stay focused and don’t lose sight of our goals. 

I’ve been watching Discovery Health, there are a few shows I’ve been watching lately, Maternity Ward and Deliver Me.  They are great shows, the problem is they are starting to freak me out.  I am trying to remember what labor was like and it’s hard to remember until I watch these shows.  I just hope my labor isn’t as long as it was with the Monster.  I seem to be healthier this time, I haven’t gained as much weight as I did but I still have 5 more months to go.  I just have to continue to eat well, take care of myself and not stress.  So far the first two have been going well, the last has been a bit harder.  I’m trying my hardest not to let work bother me, and things withe The Man and I have been ok, but not great.  I’ve been praying that things will turn out better now that he decided to stop drinking.  He has a problem and he’s finaly admitted it.  Now it’s just seeing him through the rough part of going cold turkey.  I have been praying alot about it and hoping that God will help him get through the hard part of quitting.

Catching a cold

I am so bugged I think I’m catching a cold. The bad thing about this is that I’m pregnant and I can’t take anything. Uggh.

Finances and my relationship

I’m having an issue with my relationship; it involves money.  I hear from alot of people that the biggest problem that people go through in relationships is money.  The problem I have is that The Man is not very involved in the finances.  He says it’s cause everything is in my name; to me that means he doesn’t really care cause it’s not his responsibility.  I don’t have a problem asking him for money to pay bills and such but I feel like after a year together and living together for a majority of that time that I shouldn’t have to tell him every month that I need money to pay bills.  I’m also paying a majority of the bills and I’m not sure how to address this issue because most of the bills are my debt.  Debt I acquired before we were together.  The house is mine and yes I get the tax benefit but I feel that I shouldn’t have to pay the entire mortgage alone.  The car is also in my name but we use the car all the time because his jeep doesn’t not have a cover in the back so if Monster child is with us we can’t use the jeep.  This puts more wear and tear on my car but still I pay it all.  He mainly pays the utilities, our cell phones and buys groceries and maybe pays for our food outings.  So what should I do in this situation?  Should I continue to have him just pay the utiliites and I foot the bill for the rest or tell him I need more?  And why is it that I have to ask him every month?

Funny things and blessings

So I was reading one of my favorite blogs, The Mama Bird Diaries, she wrote a post about her experience in a bathroom with no stall doors.  It got me thinking about how at work we avoid conflict at all costs, but yet in a public bathroom we have no problems having a full conversation with the person next to us while were going.  Why is that? 

Speaking of The Mama Bird Diaries, I’m so happy to say that I won something today.  See the New Year is already looking brighter.  It goes to show that when you ask for something God does give you what you need.  I was reading The Mama Bird Diaries post here about yoga and they were having a drawing for two gifts cards to Children’s Place.  I love Children’s Place, but I kept thinking about a friend of mine who has fallen on some rough times as of late.  She is a single Mom and was just laid off from a well known company here in NM because the company just like many others has fallen on hard times.  This all happened right after Thanksgiving.  I thought if I could win that gift card she could use it to buy some Christmas gifts.  The email I received from Kelcey was a blessing.  Yes, it’s a little late but just think she can now give her children something a little extra now without having to struggle.  Thanks for the great news Kelcey.

Speaking of Blessngs.  I wish you all a Happy and Healthy New Year.

Work and the New Year

So we had an announcement yesterday from upper management that they are requesting folks to reduce their hours; some areas are on a mandatory reduction and some are voluntary.  Business has been really slow and honestly I’ve had no work so I might consider it.  It could give me a three day weekend and maybe I can do something on Fridays that will give us a bit more income.  I am going to think about it and see what options I have, being at work and not having any work is almost worse because I feel more tired at the end of the day.  I hate the not knowing too.  Wondering if tomorrow they’ll come in and say that they need to lay us off and if I might be one of them.  I need my job but it’s so hard to go in to work every day and feel like I do nothing and am not contributing. 

On a lighter note, tomorrow is New Year’s Day.  I am looking at 2009 positively because I have so much to look forward to.  I have a baby on the way, that’s the biggest thing.  Monster will be a big brother for the first time and The Man will be a Father for the first time as well. It’s going to be a good year!

I don’t really make resolutions but I tend to look at a new year as a reason to set new goals and try my hardest to accomplish them.  These are a few of my goals for 2009:

1. Pay off debt
2. Save more money
3. Spend more time enjoying my family
4. Spend more time doing things I love, not the things I have to do.
5. Help The Man buy a truck
6. Maybe buy a travel trailer for vacations.

This is not a long list but it’s something to work on.  I feel like if they are written down they’ll happen more than just the the goals I have in my head.